Dear Abby: My boyfriend attacked my brother – I will not break up with him

Dear ABBY: I met a man, “Barry”, who worked with my younger brother. They had an argument at work and Barry was terminated for misconduct. My brother, “Rob” is upset with me because I still see him. Barry turned to Rob to apologize and see if they could move on. While my brother has forgiven Barry, he has chosen to have no contact with him and continues to want to control the narrative.Â

Am I wrong to go against my brother and continue the relationship? I’ve been in previous abusive relationships that Rob wasn’t concerned about. But when it comes down to it, he lets me know he’s “disappointed” or concerned about my well-being. I set boundaries for both of them, but that fight was between them, not me. – WRITTEN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

Dear thorn: The fight between your brother and Barry must have been a bad thing for him to lose his job. You mentioned that you were in “previous abusive relationships”, which tells me that your constituent may be somewhat biased. Barry may have anger management issues that need to be addressed

Like it or not, your brother is right that Barry can be dangerous. The fight may have been between them, but what can stop your loved one’s volatile temper from blowing up on you? Your relationship with Barry could be dangerous to your health, so I urge you to move on and find someone more stable.

Dear ABBY: I am in a loving relationship with my wife, who is 10 years older. Last year, we discussed her retirement from the workforce. She is 63 years old and has worked all her life. We weren’t 100% prepared for this move financially, but I’m glad to see him happy, enjoying time with the grandkids and doing other things.Â

Here’s the rub: She gets bored sometimes. When she’s upset, she spends money and arranges things for us to do that I don’t like – like going camping. I still work full time and enjoy my weekends at home relaxing. I think it would be helpful for him to find a part-time job. I’ve suggested it, but then she gets hostile and asks if I think I’m wasting my time. An uncomfortable conversation ensues.

Any suggestions on what I can say so I don’t tick him off while helping him realize he can find something else to keep him busy and contribute financially? – TRYING TO CONTINUE IN ARIZONA

Dear trying: Let your wife know you’re glad she’s enjoying her retirement, but you’re still fully employed. Then remind her that when she decided to leave the workforce, you weren’t quite prepared for her financially. Explain that right now, you need the weekend to relax, not to go camping, which is one of your least favorite things to do. And while you’re at it, mention that you know she likes to shop and a part-time job would give her more money to do that. I don’t think any of those statements should be inflammatory.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.